Choosing someone with whom to correspond

What to say/include

Things to pay attention to

CHOOSING SOMEONE WITH WHOM TO CORRESPOND

Choose carefully

Read the women's profiles carefully and write to only those women that you feel will be the most compatible with you.

Look for a deep match. It might be great that you both like to watch sports or like strawberry ice cream but what will be more important is whether you see eye to eye on how a household should be run, have similar religious perspectives, shared expectations of marriage, agree on where to live after marriage, both want or do not want children, etc.

Get beyond her photo or profession. Choosing the woman you find most physically attractive to write to can be opening up yourself for disappointment. Looks alone do not make for a lasting marriage. Besides, if you have found her stunning it is a good bet that many other brothers have as well and she may already be drowning in correspondence.

Instead let character and compatibility with the criteria you are seeking guide your choice.

Read Her Profile Thoroughly

At MuslimaMatch.com, we purposefully aim to provide you with extremely comprehensive women's profiles. This rich information will only help you, however, if you take the time to read it. We have asked the women whose profiles are available to you all sorts of questions about their characters, personalities, habits, interests and what they are looking for in a husband. It is therefore up to you to use what they've written to find women with whom you may be compatible. There is little point, for example, if you are divorced, writing to a woman whose profile states that she is only interested in men who have never been married. Perhaps, there is a chance that such a woman would accept you, but you stand a greater chance with a woman who has specifically stated that she would welcome a previously divorced man.

Be Realistic

Try to pick prospects who are about the same age as yourself (or at least not more than 10 years older). Remember that most women are most interested in men who are no more than 6 years older than themselves. Choose a woman whose values and habits are similar to your own.

Maximize Your Chances - Be Open-Minded

You may be looking for disappointment if you choose to write to only one woman. Look carefully through our profiles and find more than one woman with whom you think you may be compatible and to whom you can write. The more women to whom you send an introductory letter the better your chances are (insha'Allah) of makinga meaningful connection. We are not advising that you play with or string anyone along. This is not the behavior of a mindful Muslim. We are simply suggesting that you let more than one woman on our service know about yourself and your availability for marriage. Once you have received responses to your introductory letters you should narrow down your prospects to only those women or that woman in whom you have a serious marital interest.

Consider language challenges

If you have chosen to write to a muslima with whom you do not share a primary language, be prepared to be patient with the communication.

Be Prepared to Meet Her

Unless you are willing to make the journey to meet a chosen woman and her family, there is no real point in writing to her. Letter-writing is fine, up to a point, but it is usually a good idea to meet with the woman you are interested in marrying and/or her family or wali before you make the leap.

WHAT TO SAY/INCLUDE

Prepare Your Letters Carefully

If you are writing letters to more than one woman at the same time, you may as a matter of practicality draft an introductory letter that you will use with all of them. Your letter, however, should not seem like a "form letter." You will need to personalize your basic letter for each woman with whom you correspond. Try to make at least one or two paragraphs in the letter unique to the woman who you are writing. Mention subjects she brought up in her profile, ask her questions about her specific circumstances e.g., her occupation, the names of her children, aks about her parents, unique interests, etc.

Use your best handwriting or type the letter. Print neatly: When writing to the women it is important to print clearly, and avoid the use of cursive script. Your fancy handwriting might be easy for you to read but completely undecipherable to a woman who receives your letter.

Double and triple check any letters you send for errors (grammar, typos, punctuation, etc.).

Do not be overly familiar in your letter. If this is your first letter and if you are serious about a nikah the words "honey" "baby" "sweetie" "sweetheart" etc. have no place in your correspondence.

Most women will also not appreciate too much emphasis placed on their photo in your letter. It may be fine to say that you found her attractive or you thought that her photo(s) were nice. But going on and on about her physical appearance or asking too many questions about it will almost certainly put her off. Most women are looking for someone who is interested in them for something more than just their looks.

E-mail Letters Are Real Letters

Treat e-mail letters that you write as if they were postal letters. In other words, write a full length, one or two page letter of introduction, the same as you would if you were sending it via postal mail. You should resist the temptation to treat her as you would an established friend, and just jot down a few lines of hello and send it off to them, and then expect a reply. There are a couple of reasons for this.

First, and foremost, your goal is exactly the same as it would be if you sent the letter by regular mail. You are introducing yourself and trying to make a good first impression, in the hopes that she will find you compatible and choose to reply. As I am sure you can imagine, the more information she has about you up front, the better the chances of that happening.

Another reason why you should always send out a full letter rather than a quick "salaam" is because in Islam marriage is serious business and should be sought after in a deliberate and somewhat formal way. MuslimaMatch.com does not exist to facilitate friendships, penpal relationships, flirting or dating. If you are seriously looking for a marriage partner your letters should reflect this by giving the women you write to the kind of information that they will need to decide whether they are interested in you for marriage. Remember that you goal is marriage and not a diversion.

Letters Should Be Informative And Interesting

If you write something like "Salaams, my name is Waseem. Please write me back." and do not even enclose a photo do not expect a reply. The women who post on our site are serious about finding a husband. Prove that you are just as serious about finding a wife by taking the time to write an interesting and informative letter. Include important information about yourself such as your age, occupation, if you already have children, if those children live with you, what your interests are, etc. Tell her what you are looking for in a partner and why you decided to contact her.

Ask Questions
One content feature that can make replying easier is using questions in your letter. For obvious reasons, it's a good idea to ask the lady about herself, her life, her family, her work, etc., and resist the temptation to talk only about yourself. But these questions also make it easier for her to reply because they provide ready made topics for her to talk about in her reply letter. If you only talk about yourself in your letter, or discuss topics that she may know little about, it will be much more difficult for her to know how to respond.

Always Include At Least One Photo

You should always include at least one recent photo of yourself in your first letter. Better yet, include one somewhat formal "posed" photo, perhaps with you a little dressed up, and one or more other more candid, relaxed shots. Remember, that these muslimas may be receiving many other letters, and those without photos will most likely immediately go to the bottom of the stack in terms of priority for replies. I don't mean to say that you will never get a reply if you don't include a photo, but you will probably become a lower priority than those guys who took the time to include photos.

Enclose at least one good photo. Always enclose a good photograph of yourself with your letter. Your photo should be a clear image of you alone (or with your children, if you have them or other important family member). She should be able to see your face and if possible upper body clearly so that she will know who she is corresponding with. Photos in which you are smiling and look relaxed work well (no mugshots please).

Photos that do not work:

You with an expensive material possession such as your new sports car or big house (your match should be about character and personality and not about what you own)

You in a group of other men - this makes it hard for her to pick you out of the crowd.

You wearing sunglasses, squinting or making a funny face. Again, she should be able to see your face clearly so that she knows with whom she is communicating.

Remember, that the photo or photos that you send are all that she will have to go on, so make sure to make a good impression.

THINGS TO PAY ATTENTION TO

Give Her More Than One Way To Reply

Remember to INCLUDE YOUR POSTAL ADDRESS in your first letter and NOT just your email address, no matter how the letter is sent out. Remember that she may not have regular or private access to e-mail. If you provide your postal address, it may be more likely that she will reply. Also, if you don't get a response from her within a few days, don't give up hope. She may have decided to respond via postal mail, in which case, depending on where she lives, it may be a few weeks before you receive her letter.

Be Patient

Practice sabr (patience). If you don't receive a reply immediately, that is not necessarily a reason to give up hope. Some women collect several letters before deciding which ones to reply to. Others reply to some, see how things go, and then if things don't work out, move on to trying to correspond with someone else who wrote to them. It is not uncommon to receive reply letters from women several months or more after you have sent an introductory letter. There is really no way of predicting if or how soon she will reply.

Evaluate Your Success And Try Again

If at first you don't succeed, evaluate your letter and expectations, and try again. There are many women's profiles on the site, and some of these women may never have received a letter from anyone. Don't just look at the featured profiles or the first few pages of search results. Look a bit deeper, there are some really nice muslimas here waiting for a letter from a compatible man. There is someone for everyone, insha'Allah, it's just a matter of finding her. God knows while we do not.

Logistical Tips

LOGISTICAL TIPS FOR POSTAL MAIL

Double check the address.

Include a return address. Write your return address on the envelope or include a few return address labels with your letter so the lady won't have a problem responding to you.

Include a few mailing labels with your address preprinted on them. Some men even purchase and include postal coupons (prepaid postage for letters that can be sent to the U.S. from anywhere in the world) so that the women can write back for free. You can obtain these at most U.S. Post Offices. However, if your local post office does not have them, you can also obtain them from us. Then you just send them along with one of your letters.

Keep a copy of the letter, in case you have to resend it or have written to more than one woman. Make copies: It is important to make copies of the letters that you send to the women, especially if you are writing to many women at once. By doing this, when a lady responds to you, you can simply refresh your memory as to what you initially wrote her.

Keep records. When you receive the list of addresses, photocopy them and keep a back-up. Clip the address for the woman you wish to correspond with and affix it to the envelope (use glue stick or clear tape).

Use registered mail. It costs a bit more, but at least then you will know that he has received it. Use registered mail. It doesn't matter how good your letter is, or if you are exactly what she is looking for. If she doesn't receive your letter, you have wasted your time. Unfortunately the postal system in many countries is less than reliable and it is not unusual for mail to go missing. Registered letters require a signature upon delivery, and are generally returned to the sender if they can not be delivered. It costs a little more to send letters by registered post, and takes a little longer at the post office, but it is worth it for the increased chance of delivery.

You may want to protect the letter contents by wrapping them in plastic before putting them in the envelope.

LOGISTICAL TIPS FOR E-MAIL

Open a free e-mail account specifically for marriage correspondence.

Double check the address before you hit send.

Create an interesting and relevant subject line.

Check your spelling and grammar before you hit send.

Save your sent e-mailas well as the correspondence in your Inbox.